Before you say " I Do".

The clouds were thick, the storm was heavy and the wind was strong, sure it was a cold night. There was utmost silence. It was a night were husband and wife will travel into space and return with a relief of satisfaction 

A night were puppies will hide under the belly of their mama's.

Of course babies will like to be curdled and as the thunder struck, the breeze found its way into my room and suddenly I woke up.

I heard some unpleasant sounds, at first I thought someone was attacked by a dog because it barked vehemently, then I wondered if it was an arm robbery attack.
Out of curiosity, I got closer to the source of the noise and  I carefully  opened a little part of the curtain to steal a glance.
My eyes saw what my mouth could barely explain.

I was mesmerized at the site of my vision.
Hmm, they were at it again, thoughts of the last episode flashed my mind.
Here they were, an able bodied man and a fair appealing lady exchanging blows. These are parents of adorable children and religious people with sticker on their door showing their denomination of worship.

I got so frightened for fear of death, as the woman was being strangled by her once prince charming. One who is her head, her husband, the one ordain to be the priest of the family.

As I listened closely to the angrily exchanged words, I deduced that the man must have demanded for a trip into the realms of ecstasy, his erotic desire was charged up especially since the night was cold and cosy for intimacy but the woman bluntly declined.

What must have gone wrong?
Would she just decline without a reason?
Then I wondered, if marriage was not to be enjoyed by all?
Why do this couple have records of fight sessions?
What could the children be thinking seeing their parent in frequent brawl?
What are others doing differently to enjoy their "till death do us part" journey?

I began to think about my courting period with my husband, how we sort to know a lot about each other.
Then I asked myself, could this couple have known this violence tendency in each other and probably overlooked it?
What were the circumstances surrounding their marriage?
Of course I don't have answers to these questions.

In the act of lamentation, she began to blame herself for marrying her husband 10years ago despite her father's advice not to.
She wept as she recounted previous sessions of his verbal and physical abuse towards her.

I was consumed with compassion but i asked myself ; would she have avoided this? Possibly Yes.
This got me thinking of how people can avoid possible violence and regret in their marriage.


 When two people get married, I believe they both desire to live happily, enjoying every moment of being with each other,
But desires and wishes, do not pull the great commission - marriage through.

It takes a whole lot more than saying  "I desire to stay committed, love and respect my spouse as long as I live".
How successful a marriage is, greatly  depends on the collective efforts of the parties involved.

In most cases, people do not take time to think carefully and seek knowledge before getting committed in marriage, because we live in a society of instant gratification.

Here are some tips to note before saying "I do".

1. SEEK GOD'S APPROVAL.
 As a child of God, you shouldn't be quick to accept people into your life without  God's approval because God knows the heart of every person.
 If your peace is withdrawn, pause and think through more carefully. God's YES is better than  your GUESS.

2.LIVE A PURPOSEFUL LIFE.
It's important to always live with the purpose of your existence in mind before we get married. This is because your purpose will guide your decision of who to marry.

Through your purpose, you build principles, standards and values for yourself. So before you say yes be sure the person will not hinder you from fulfilling your assignment on earth.


3. ASK YOURSELF: DO WE HAVE SIMILAR STANDARDS AND VALUES?
Marrying someone who has different standards with you is a future threat to the marriage vows,be careful.
If you enter a relationship without standards, the relationship will create a standard for you which might be unfavorable.

4. ASK YOURSELF: DOES THIS PERSON MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON?
If you are in a relationship and instead of getting better, you are getting worse ( in any  situation) watch it.
No relationship lives you neutral, its either adding or subtracting from you.

 The  presence of a partner is suppose to  improve your goodness that's why the bible says " two is better than one".

5. ASK YOURSELF: DO I KNOW HIM/ HER ENOUGH?

You can't know everything about someone but know enough to base your decision.
How does he/she behave when angry, what are his/ her believes/ perspectives about certain issues, how does he /she treat the opposite sex generally?

Ask a lot of questions, test him/ her with things that can reveal their true person.
 Be very observant.

Many people enter into marriage after noticing some character flaws in their partners but they expect them to change.

Its better to see them change before you walk down the aisle because if your expectations in the marriage aren't met, you'll tend to endure rather than enjoy the marriage.

6. SEEK COUNSEL FROM PARENTS/ GUARDIAN/ PASTORS ETC.

Like the story above, her present problems would have been overruled if she took heed to wise counsel.
When people you are accountable to disagrees with your choice of a spouse,its always wise not to be sentimental and consider their opinion critically.

7. DON'T BE DESPERATE.

Martial Desperation is the road that leads to marital frustration .
Take time to have a joyful and fulfilled single life.

A happy marriage isn't magical, but what they individuals contributes from the remains of their singleness is what forms the pillar of their marriage. So sort out your baggage before you say I do.


I believe that this has been helpful to you singles.
Do well to share, leave your  comment or question below.
God bless you.


With love
Idongesit Adegoke